Unmasked: My ADHD Awakening — Part 1 Something’s Not Quite Right
For most of my life, I carried a quiet suspicion that something about me just… didn’t fit.
I could not name it, but it was always there ....... this feeling of living life slightly out of sync with everyone else.
At school, teachers described me as bright but distracted. If only she would apply herself. Talks too much. Rushes through her work. Those comments followed me year after year, slowly planting the belief that I was not living up to my potential ...... or worse, that I was lazy and not trying hard enough.
........What no one saw was how hard I was trying.
How much energy it took to concentrate when my mind was running three tracks ahead.
How I would rehearse sentences in my head before speaking or try hard to stop myself from interrupting ..... and then do it anyway because I was afraid I would forget what I wanted to say, or because jumping in felt like the only way to show I understood and could relate.
It was exhausting to always feel like you are ‘too much’ and ‘not enough’ in the same breath.
As a mixed-race child growing up in the UK, I had already learned that difference could make you a target. So when I started feeling 'different' inside too and the restlessness, the constant chatter in my mind, the anxiety, overwhelm and disconnection ..... I assumed it was just another thing to hide.
So I masked. (At the time, I didn’t know I was masking; I am just aware now that it’s called)
I copied, I adjusted, to 'fit in'. And in doing so, I can now see how I began to lose sight of who I truly was.
The Hidden Struggle Behind the Smile
On the surface, I was confident, sociable, talkative ..... the girl who had it all together.
Inside, I was anxious, scattered, and perpetually overstimulated.
As I grew older, that sense of duality only deepened. I built a business, raised my children, and kept pushing forward ....... but it was like living with an invisible handbrake on. I’d swing between bursts of hyperfocus and total paralysis. I would lose hours in creative flow, then crash in exhaustion.
There were lists upon lists, alarms, reminders, planners… and still, things slipped through the cracks.
To the outside world, I looked like a woman who could handle it all.
In reality, I was surviving on adrenaline and guilt.
When I became a mother, the cracks widened. The mental load of parenting, running a business, and keeping up appearances was relentless.
I was burning dinner, missing appointments, forgetting what day it was, yet working late into the night to catch up. It was not carelessness.
And deep down, a whisper kept asking, Why can’t I just get it together like everyone else?
The Slow Unravelling
Around 2018, that whisper became impossible to ignore.
I started asking friends how their minds worked .... truly worked.
Did they also feel like they were constantly fighting themselves?
Did they live with this internal tug-of-war .... the push and pull between brilliance and burnout?
Most didn’t.
So, I kept searching. I devoured self-help books, tried every productivity system under the sun … .. and still, I felt like I was running uphill on the wrong planet.
It was not until my youngest son’s school raised concerns about his focus that things took an unexpected turn. We sat in an NHS appointment that would unknowingly change my life forever ……. but that’s a story for next week.
To the Woman Who Might Relate
If any of this sounds familiar, the self-blame, the overcompensating, the exhaustion of trying to function in a world that is not designed for your brain ..... Please know this:
You are not broken. You have been powerful all along — just operating without a manual.
In next week’s instalment, I will share what happened in that moment ...... the one that made everything finally make sense.
And how, for the first time in nearly fifty years, I finally exhaled.
Stay tuned for Part 2: Finally, It All Made Sense.
If this story resonates, you will love my upcoming free ADHD Reset Masterclass, where I’ll share the exact nervous-system-first framework that helped me move from chaos to clarity.
Join here ➜ ADHD Reset Masterclass: From Chaos to Clarity